psychoticpingouins: 48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
hannibalkanibalas: tuucker: irisowl: So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized Dr. Robert Evans I looked it up My dentist is Captain America’s dad My doctor is JK Rowling’s...
swa-gay: when i was younger i was really emotionally attached to my tamagotchi, and i refused to go to school without them, so my 43 year old dad had to learn the ropes and he took them to work and cared for them and thats why i love my dad
We all have different reasons for forgetting to breathe– Andrea Gibson, “Birthday” (via marvelously-lost)
The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment may be...– Homer Favorite quote from The Iliad. (via goforthandbeawesome)
I simultaneously want to sleep in bed forever and do everything in the world
gyzym: omg my brother just sent me an email titled “happy earth day!” and when i opened it all that was in it was
i'm not sad
warsanshire: but the boys who are looking for sad girls always find me. i’m not a girl anymore and i’m not sad anymore. you want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ you think i’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? i’ll swallow you whole.
mrscarstairs: totallyfubar: rotten-fruit-and-perfect-aim: starvingfartist: i knew you were trouble when you walked in now im lion on the cold hard ground WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE A monkey’s uncle. I can’t believe you just passed up the opportunity to say RUNNING AROUND LEAVING SCARS
A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On Feminists...– Autostraddle (via notaprincessdestinedtobeawitch) Guys. You need to read this. (via abaldwin360)
crashmypartyhard: holyklainebowsbatman: samwinchestears: theblackship: minseoktoe: chii24: THE SUN IS ON FIRE, I REPEAT, THE SUN IS ON FIRE. #THE OCEAN IS FLOODING #I REPEAT #THE OCEAN IS FLOODING. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, THE EARTH IS SPINNING GUYS, IT’S FUCKING SPINNING!! A MYSTERIOUS GAS HAS SETTLED ALL THROUGHOUT EARTH AND WE ARE CURRENTLY BREATHING IT IN this site....
equiuszahhot: do you ever hear a line in a song and it’s just so painfully clever you just sit there in shock for the remainder of the song
dollyfarton: ineedmasculism: lundsdotter: The strongest ‘pound for pound’ muscle is the uterus: it weighs around 2 pounds but during childbirth can exert a downward force of 400 Newtons, which is one hundred times as strong as gravity and equivalent to the power in a fully extended modern longbow. I need masculism because I am afraid. you should be
childishnotions: writing is safer, somehow because my pen cannot stutter like my lips do, and words get stuck in throats, not fingertips, can’t stumble on paper trails of blue lines because writing is definite and clear and no one can tell if i am crying or laughing through written words alone